1. Gay Scouts can’t shape five ounces of wood into something that could break the sound barrier.
It’s the Pinewood Derby, and it is awesome.
2. Or alternatively, into a work of art on wheels:
At least not until May.
4. And gay leaders won’t be allowed to teach them what every one of these is for:
5. Gay Scouts won’t be able to make a Klondike sled out of PVC pipes and steely determination and drag it through the mud and snow like a dog.
And LOVE it.
6. Nor will they be allowed to be tied to it with the rest of their friends and run like hell over a half-mile track through the woods.
At least, not until May.
7. Gay Scouts won’t be allowed to carry their friends on a homemade palanquin while blindfolded as part of first aid training.
8. And gay leaders won’t be allowed to teach Scouts how to set a fire without setting everything else on fire.
9. Gay leaders won’t be able to teach the importance of gun control.
The Rifle Shooting and Shotgun Shooting merit badges teach Scouts how to handle firearms correctly and safely, and give them a very real awareness of how deadly guns are… but gay Scouts won’t be allowed that education until May.
10. Nor will gay leaders teach Scouts how to use one of the oldest projectile weapons in the world.
11. Between now and May, gay Scouts won’t be allowed to cook chicken on a spit for their troop.
Or make London broil, chocolate cake, or baked potatoes over a campfire.
12. And gay leaders can’t help Scouts survive 5-foot river rapids on an inflated couch.
13. Gay Scouts can’t cross a rope bridge 50 feet in the air with nothing to catch them but another rope.
14. Gay leaders and Scouts can’t sell popcorn door to door.
Or batteries. Girl Scout Cookie Envy manifests itself differently from troop to troop, but gay Scouting members can’t do anything about that until May.
15. Gay Scouts can’t sleep next to sharks at aquarium overnights.
16. Or next to DINOSAURS on museum overnights.
17. Gay Scouts and leaders aren’t allowed to spend any Saturday morning between now and May in a scratchy tan uniform collecting canned food for strangers.
18. Gay Scouts know the rest of “On my honor…”
…but they aren’t allowed to be proud of it, until May.
19. Gay Scouts can’t earn any of these until May.
20. And gay leaders can’t pin this on any Scouts’ shirts.
No matter how much they’ve earned it, until May.